Ppl around dun see or feel it. I am really trying hard.Even in dream I am fighting hard. Cos to dream of myself in a fight shows that there's internal conflict within myself. Ands it's so true cos I dreamt of myself fighting myself. Certain aspect in me is not agreeing to each other. That's y i am fighting.Fighting also signify the struggle I am going through in life. As for hearing voices it signify a message from the unconcious or spirtal realm. What a dream!The dream is pointing a way for me cos the voice told one of me to go rest and let the other me take over. Let's see if later I can dream of the real answer the voice is pointing to.

Can't really get to sleep once again. But this time round i remembered one of my dream haha. Its the second time I dreamt of it. The last occurance was back last year when I am also down in shitty state. I dreamt of myself fighting against myself. It was a fierce fight because I can see both of myself bleeding and blue black everywhere. The fight was going on and on till a lady voice from nowhere said something in chinese: 玮胜你够了，我知道你伤的不轻，你累了让他代替你做你吧！For those whose chinese not so good let me translate it means: Aaden its enough, I know your wound is serious and you are tired, let him subsitude you to carry on Aaden's life. What a dream i wonder who is the girl and are there really two of me in me? Is the other me really taking over me now???

我到底做错了什么。为何我每次付出的真心都好想是在把自己的心放在一个陷阱里？我真的有你们说的那么好吗？那为何每次只要轻轻一碰你们都要刺碎我的心。你们说放就放，留我独自一人把碎掉的心再次重组。碎了再重组的心根本不可能是从前的那颗心。它是脆弱的，它是容易受伤的。但是我还是放了我最真的心去在乎你。我还以为这一次我终于找到我可望的那个她。为何连你也一样我只不过轻轻的碰了一下，你就刺碎了我的心。为何你就不能和我好好的谈，继续牵着我的手一起走下去。

为何你就这样说放就放，说是为我好，真的为我好吗？我现在一点都不好。我部分的心碎了，部分的心还困在陷阱里。我每天都很努力的想把那部分救出来，可我办不到。它被刺的好深，我一碰到我就好痛。我现在的痛，我的感受又有谁能了解。你说一切都在你的预料中，但你能体会我现在每天经历着的痛吗？我每天都找东西来麻木自己，朋友面前我会笑会闹。我根本就在自欺欺人，我根本就不开心。这就是现在的我，是笑非笑的我。

可能这就是我的命吧，我就一个说丢就丢的东西吧，根本就不被珍惜的东西。你们真的有在乎我吗？有想为我努力过吗？我不说不，不是因为我没主见，是因为我爱你。我处处让着你，不是因为我怕失去你，是因为我爱你。我笑着看你走，我不是不伤心， 是因为我太爱你。

你身边有好多想守护你的人，而我只有一个我想守护的你。如果我们的角色对换也许就真的有人能了解现在的我。

I AM NOT HAPPY!!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPP!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! IAM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! I AM NOT HAPPY!!!

WHO WILL UNDERSTAND WHO??????

Its just like how we set the alarm clock. Mine had been set. Everyday when it goes off, he will come hunting and ripping my heart apart till the snooze is over. But I am not in control of the snooze, I can only count down to the endless seconds that goes by till it stops.

我对你感觉胜过爱情

The days go by.

                                           But the feelings stand still.

I am, and always will be, the guardian angel

                                      Meant to protect your heart.

                                      Always be near when you call
                                  I will watch as you walk away from me
                                      With happiness in your soul again

                                      I ask nothing from you in return
     For I am the angel that will forever spread my wings and protect you.

I can't  have good sleeps lately, keep waking up from dreams. Is it making fun of me? All along sleeping have been the best healing procedure for my heart because its the best thing to do when I am all alone by myself but it invaded my dreams. I woke up tearing but I cannot remember the dream but my heart hurts and thats what i know.

My heart is lonely

                                                                I feel so bare
                                                                I'm drowning quickly
                                                                In my despair
                                                                Forsaken feelings
                                                                Trapped in my reclusive life
                                                                Solitude cuts me like a knife
                                                                Freinds are around me
                                                                But lonely is still there
                                                                Everyday I face, I put on a new smile
                                                                thinking that if I could convince them
                                                                I can convince myself
                                                                But once I am alone
                                                                I am lost and lonely is always there.

I'm sitting here now, writting this.
Will you or will you not, its not the main thing that I blogged.
In this space and in this blog, this is where I type my thoughts.

Whenever and whereever, deeping down I miss you lots.
Its neither pain nor ache that my lonely heart is crying for.

A constant longing that never goes away.
Wishing here and wishing there
wishing that you were here to hold me tight.

I miss you.....

 Counting down the seconds, minutes, hours, days. The sun set like it always does. The sun rose like it always does. But time seem to have slowed down. Everything appeared to stand still. How things were, are, and will be-- FAITH.

你的笑你的好在我脑海里一直绕
我的心忘不了拥抱时的温暖
我的手也已寂寞了
忍住了不舍忍住了痛泪
我放手了
但心已习惯对你好

Faith

The clock in my heart had stop. The special picec of gear , has been handed over to u. U defienity are the only one that is worth for it.

Nothing that’s worthwhile is ever easy.